eating like a child

My dad was the first of 12 children, my grandparents were uneducated and poor and I'm quite sure they did not have easy childhoods. I have also seen that children consider their own life as normal, at least until they see more of the world. If a child grows up taking a cold water bath once a week, they assume that's how every child on earth bathes. If they grow up having a doughnut for breakfast every day, they are shocked to the core when they sleep over at their cousins and get an egg but no doughnut.
My dad grew up in poverty at a time when poverty was normal--towards the end of the great depression. They could afford bread but toppings were a bit of a luxury. He grew up with ketchup sandwiches. Yes, two slices of bread with a generous dollop of ketchup was a taste of home and family for him that he would still visit as an adult. He never encouraged us to like it but every once in a while he would sit down and put some ketchup on bread and remember the carefree days of his childhood. And we would tease him terribly and pull faces of disgust and he would laugh and we would all laugh together. He did introduce us to 'sand sandwiches', which is bread with butter and a sprinkle of brown sugar 'sand'. I made these for my kids, too, as a texture treat.
My sister tells the story of her days as a busy business woman. She had been travelling with two colleagues, wining and dining with current and potential clients. They had been on the road for nearly two weeks, finally heading for home. They went with a group of 4 clients to one of the nicer restaurants in town, with a comprehensive menu. My sister says she looked through this menu, with it's delicate and delicious offerings, on full company expense, and decided that she was tired and didn't need to make an impression with her food choice. She decided to order a grilled cheese sandwich, which came with tomato soup.She gave her order and saw all of her companions open their eyes a little wider. She braced herself for the teasing. And each and every one of her companions smiled and ordered grilled cheese. They were ALL tired of the travelling and the luxury but no one had been willing to admit it. They ended up having a very relaxed and friendly evening that washed away a great burden of the two weeks of travelling.
So today I had chicken soup. And remembered all the (cans of) chicken soup we had growing up. And remembered that we could NOT eat it without at least crackers to crumble in the soup. And remembered the BEST thing for chicken noodle soup was peanut butter sandwiches. I don't know if this is still a thing, but even at school lunch, peanut butter sandwiches went with chicken noodle soup.
So today I had a peanut butter sandwich that I dipped in my chicken soup and I tasted sitting at the kitchen table with my brothers and sisters while my mom corrected papers and my dad washed dishes. I tasted the long tables in the school cafeteria, happy and laughing because the principle was on the far end of the table, reprimanding kids that weren't us. I tasted late night studying at the dorm with my little hotpot. Somewhere along my way, I stopped dipping peanut butter sandwiches and then stopped dipping sandwiches altogether, but today I visited my childhood normal and I feel warmed and love as a result.

Where is my party?

We have been talking lately at church. Drifting. I brought up the parable of the prodigal son, which on first reading is nearly a tale of resurrection-- the lost child is found!! But how many of us have homecomings like that? Even if we have forsaken our family, do we return in one day? Or is it a slow process of learning our issues were not as divisive or our family was not as heartless as we thought, where we start with the occasional good memory and eventually reach the occasional phone call?

More to the point, how many of us never physically left the presence of our family, like the jealous older brother? Where is our fatted calf and grand party? A friend sent me this from his daily devotions:

Family dynamics are a strange thing.  It's funny but in what I do outside the home, I feel at peace and justified and ready to take joy when others do better than me and never feel short-changed when I think others do less than me. I teach Sunday School every week without a break and with complete joy. I attend Choir where I cannot sing and happily celebrate the beautiful voices of my friends. I even see my baked goods going unsold at the fundraiser while my friend's goods--using MY recipe-- are sold in seconds, and am happy for us all. Yes, I get twinges of discontent, but they are easy to shake off and let go. I never take it personally for more than a minute.

 Yet, at home, it's a different story. I see someone expecting praise and encouragement for doing something once when I do it everyday without even acknowledgement, and I feel unappreciated. I repeat the same instruction every day and it falls on deaf ears, then my child comes home, reporting this wonderful lesson from her teacher, who is SO clever. Exactly, word for word, what I have been saying. I want to scream! My husband, asking why I waste so much time on my crafting, then two months later seeing a craft stall and telling me I should be more like this woman who puts proper effort in. I'm sure I dish out similar injustice to my family. I know I am more impatient with my own kids, and have lower expectations. 

I love my family, and they love me. But it's so easy to drift away from people you see everyday. We treat strangers with more consideration than we treat our family, our 'good mornings' are cheerier after we leave the house, our 'please' and 'thank you' easier to say. It's so easy to feel like a drudge, a disappointment, an inconvenience, an annoyance, a martyr.  And so easy to treat our family this way, being too lazy to notice how much or how well or how sincerely they are in our lives. And we forget that we are privileged to eat together, wake up together, chat together, work together, play together, everyday together, with people we care about us and who love us, who also forget that it is a privilege.

successes

One month in and time to reflect and make course corrections!
Me:  Fruit, veg and water lasted about a week so time to renew that. I have made the first draft of my personal fitting, and the first set of alteration--Progress!
Kids:  They have been doing quite well on household chores--YAY!  The big one is more natural with being organized and I see him happy that the rest of the household is fitting him better. Little one is beginning to consider priorities before play. Added bonus:  both have been waking themselves up on time, so I don't have to do the 'bedtime' fight.
Community:  Girls' club has met, only one girl showed, but we did some fun crafting, sitting out on the grass painting. Sunday school is having the theme of "be not afraid" this year, we are beginning our focus on stepping out of our 'comfort zone'. And finally, last night I attended the Annual meeting for our local theater club and managed to volunteer to look after the junior members, with our first task to sort through the props and wardrobe.
Not bad for a start!

 Somebody asked me about giving up my church time for the Sunday School. My little lambs can't read yet, what they learn now is such an important building block that I spend a lot of effort just making sure everything I do and say encourages them to grow and be confident. Which means preparing for my lesson takes quite a bit of soul inspection. And each lesson needs to have one sentence they can repeat for their parents. All I can really say is I know this is where I am supposed to be, and I wish I were as sure about some of my other activities. Wouldn't it be great if I felt a calling to never do housework again? or knew for certain that my hoard is going to be important and I need to keep it ALL.

To round off and encourage myself, I have made the following progress this year:

• Finished re-making 2 skirts, rescuing them from the disaster bin.
• shortened the sleeves on 3 tops
• widened the hip on one top so it buttons properly
• cleared the junk drawer in my kitchen
• sorted my closet to fit my shoes in
• kept caught up with ironing
• washed the dishes before going to bed. Sounds simple, but the empty sink in the morning has made a big difference to my attitude

 reach high!

Welcome to 2014

Another new year, a time to review, close chapters, and open new ones.
2013 was very busy in many ways, but at the same time, I'm hard pressed to say what exactly kept me busy. Such is life! I have finished some projects and planned others, but so far this year I seem to be concentrating on cooking and cleaning. I have a friend who, in my humble opinion, is much less competent at cooking. Yet he has catered an event for a community gathering! So I have been inspired to do a bit of experimental and bulk cooking. So far I have:

• made lamb in the slow cooker (I don't much like lamb so I'm trying to find a way to cook it that we will all eat. otherwise I only cook it when I'm planning to fast.)
• made barley in the rice cooker
• made vegetarian tacos with red lentils and bought taco seasoning
• Made and froze a bulk batch of meatballs
• made and froze a batch of twice-baked potatoes

Tomorrow I will make a batch of cabbage rolls. The lamb was a bit overcooked because I started it too soon but I was able to enjoy it. The taco lentils were a surprising success, the red lentils gave a nice color. And I now have a few after-school lunch options for the kids!

Finally, let me just list a few goals.

For myself:

• eat more fruit or vegetables and drink more water
• make a personal fit pattern for myself that fits excellently
• sew stuffed animals for the craft market
• experiment with macrame again 

For my kids:

• get them to take responsibility for household tasks
• help them to keep a balance of study, other interests, helping others, and rest 

For my community:

• get more members in my girls' crafting club and raise enough funds to buy a hot plate (for melting chocolate and wax)
• keep my Sunday school class interested and learning at the same time(not easy!)
• Get involved in Town Council especially regarding the Diamond Festival (don't complain if you're not willing to help fix it!)

Reach high!

Happy New Year, or, Another Piece of Cake

Resolution time again. I don't do well with remembering to do better, so if a resolution doesn't improve my attitude to life, I don't want to know about it.
I entered this new phase of resolutions about 5 years ago, when I made the earth-shattering resolution to: NEVER SAY NO TO A PIECE OF CAKE. For a whole year, every time I ate a piece of cake, I got a warm glow of keeping a resolution. I could even afford to eat only a small piece because I knew that I was allowed, even encouraged, to have a piece of the next cake. That year gave me a whole new feeling of freedom.
Since then, I occasionally turn down an offered piece of cake, but I don't feel guilty for eating one. So now, if I make a resolution, I make one to improve my sense of well-being rather than to control my physical self.
So, I wasn't planning on anything this year, then I was given a resolution at church: Galations 6:9.Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
I know I have mentioned the Girls' Club previously, I continue to struggle there. The people I most expected to be supporting, helpful and encouraging have ranged from as helpful as a small breeze in a tornado to downright negative. I have found surprising support from un-expected places and great support where I expected only mild encouragement.
Well, I have this resolution now, and I have done the round of e-mails again, asking for support.
I'm also using this to remind myself to do the next right thing, everyday, whether the world around me participates or not. I would like to pledge to speak out against wrong when I see it, but I know how hard it is! At least I will not be a part of it and I hope to encourage others to turn away from hatred, bullying, tribalism, and general wrong-ness.

Next note will be of my latest creation, I promise.

Merry Christmas! Chippy's third favorite game

Christmas is always a bit conflicted for me. Summertime Christmas is difficult for a Wisconsin girl. I prepare all the dough and ingredients for a proper feast and then can't bear to turn on the oven. As long as I keep tat in mind and remember not to stress, all goes well.
Even without the baking, I still spend most of the day in the kitchen. Which can be lonely, but thankfully Chippy the clever dog played her third favorite game with Amy and me. First of all, she's not allowed in the house, so she can only sneak in sometimes.So the game goes like this:

1. Hang out by the braai(BBQ) area until nobody is paying attention
2. Sneak into the house through the open door
3. Trot through the house to the kitchen.
4. Greet everyone there like long-lost friends.
5. Wait by the door to be let out.
6. Stand outside the kitchen door for a minute to see if anyone is coming to play.
7. Either pretend to hear someone by the gate or just go trotting around the back
8. Start over again:  Hang out by the braai(BBQ) area until nobody is paying attention

And you can see that she absolutely enjoys each and every step of this game, which is why I can't bear to shut the door at the braai or close her gate to keep her away. She managed about 15-20 rounds on Christmas day.

the Christmas season begins

 I have been missing but not idle! I have been working on my tin curling for the Christmas craft fair.

 The 2 candle holders used to be cans of cream-style corn. I also did the candles. Writing on candles is an idea I got from my baptism candle where my name is written in gold leaf!

This is just written with a blunt needle, filled with craft paint, and the excess wiped off. I twisted a bit of wire through the red beads to attach them to the wax. 

 We also had a Christmas Carol evening. Here are some of my girls practicing, sorry for the blurriness, I shake it's to protect their privacy.

This picture is supposed to be last, I'm preparing my pumpkin to celebrate Thanksgiving at home. This pumpkin is from my mother-in-law, she grows them every year and thinks I'm crazy for appreciating them soooo much.

 We had our church Thanksgiving already, here is my special girl with her friends(it's not wine, it's Fanta Grape). . .

it was held in the school teacher's lounge.

Times have changed--I remember when the teacher's lounge was a nasty scary place where it was easy to believe the teachers were dragons because of the great clouds of smoke that billowed out whenever some luck-less child opened the door.

The school finishes final exams this week, so next week will be devoted to crafting. I still have that pre-holiday dream that my children will be cheerful industrious unpaid workers while I relax by the pool...